Why People Ghost — and How to Get Over It
Why Do People Ghost? Here, we’ll talk about how to spot a ghost and how to stay away from doing it yourself.
Ghosting annoys people. Despite what would seem to be the case, it is not new. On dates and with partners, people have vanished for years. Just that it’s now simpler to enter and exit someone’s life thanks to the development of dating apps. Additionally, it could be simpler to get away with disappearing since we can meet individuals online with no additional connections (unlike, instance, when we had mutual friends in common).
What can happen when someone ghosts you is as follows. You like this individual. You could even be considering the possibility of a long-term partnership. They vanish abruptly, like out of thin air. You stop communicating via texts or frequent in-person encounters. Then, as you sit there, you ask yourself, “What the heck just happened?”
And if you were the ghost, then, yeah. You are aware of what happened.
Is it ever OK for someone to ghost, and what does it mean?
Ghosting is essentially rejection without a satisfying conclusion. This frequently occurs without warning and can leave you feeling bewildered, upset, and even paranoid.
According to Lorrae Bradbury, sex educator and creator of the sex positive website Slutty Girl Problems, “It’s vague, subject to interpretation, and can leave the door open for justifications to rekindle the flame down the road.” In the end, it’s a method to cut off the conversation without having to disclose your true feelings.
Even more reasons can exist when it comes to relationships made outside of dating apps, but it does not mean that ghosting is acceptable. Manly claims that ghosting is an unhealthy and disrespectful conduct. “It is wrong not to indicate that you are not interested in continuing further, unless a person offers a danger of some type.”
Manly adds that while “ghosters” may seem strong in the moment, their actions may really be a symptom of internal weakness and low self-esteem, since people “with high self-esteem tend to refrain from engaging in activities that are rude or damaging to others.”
When it comes to connections beyond dating apps, reasons can vary even more—but that’s not to say ghosting is okay. “Ghosting is an unhealthy and disrespectful behavior,” Manly says. “Unless a person presents a threat of some kind, it’s inappropriate not to communicate that you’re not interested in moving forward.”And although “ghosters” may feel powerful in the moment, ghosting behaviors can be a sign of inner weakness and low self-esteem, Manly explains, noting people “with high self-esteem tend to not engage in behaviors that are disrespectful or hurtful to others.”
How do you know if someone is ghosting you?
It might be difficult to believe that someone has vanished into the ether with the Ghosts of Relationships Past if they seem to be into you, go on a few dates with you, have sex with you a few times, or even date for a short period.
They may simply be busy, right? Right? Wrong.
“I reject the ‘too busy’ justification. Bradbury asserts that if someone truly wants to make time for you, they will do it. We’re all busy, but when we meet someone who makes us feel alive, we can typically juggle our schedules to make time for them. We can at the most least view our notifications and respond in writing.
Where are you prepared to slack off in someone’s hierarchy?
Therefore, there is a good likelihood that you have a ghost if someone disappeared and time has gone.
What should you do when someone is ghosting you?
It’s acceptable to acknowledge your shock. It hurts to witness someone you cared about treat you with such disrespect that they couldn’t even give you the courtesy of a simple farewell or breakup. It makes sense that you would feel cheated of closure. You might seek an explanation, but it’s unlikely that you’ll get one. You should accept this as quickly as possible.
According to Bradbury, “Ghosting is typically an obvious indicator that they are unwilling or unable to offer you the closure you’re seeking.” “Perhaps they are unable to effectively express their emotions or don’t have the solutions themselves. You probably won’t receive a straightforward response either way.
How can I prevent turning into a ghost? How do I just say goodbye, in other words?
We are aware that being honest isn’t always simple. You can be tempted to ghost someone if you no longer like them or if you have other priorities so you won’t say anything that would offend them. But keep in mind that ghosting itself can be damaging to the target. Manly adds that there is no “pleasant” way to ghost.
It’s OK to discontinue a text conversation with someone after only one or two dates by simply writing, “Thank you, but I’m moving paths. Manly explains that there is no need for more discussion or back and forth, adding that a quick text conveys politeness before closing the door.
How do I respond if a ghost reappears?
A ghost can occasionally reemerge, apparently out of nowhere, and is also known as a haunting.
You decide how to respond if a ghost asks to rejoin. Be honest while expressing your emotions. Tell me if you were wounded. It’s OK to request an explanation of what occurred at this stage. You don’t have to act as though everything is OK. Pretending could grant a ghost permission to repeat this dubious action in the future.
By the way, it’s okay to reach out when you know why you want to return, whether it’s to make amends or just to apologise for vanishing (nice man).
Conclusion
Pay close attention to how they act and the circumstances of their resurrection. Arent they drowsy? Inconsistent? In search of a sure thing?
Bradbury continues, “If you’re getting ghosted all the time and there’s no good reason to be discovered, it’s not worth your time.” Let your ghost disappear forever.
